|To My Beloved Guardian Angel|
I recall the very first time I saw him when he was singing in his "Earth Song" music video.
I was dancing to the music and I vividly remember him grabbing onto the 2 tree barks as the wind blew on and on.
I was only 3 years old, 13 years ago.
I never heard of him since then.
I recall the very first time I saw him and was so near him.
I can still hear the chanting of his adoring fans as he came out of his hotel room in Hawaii.
My mother was telling me that Michael had come out and then I simply ignored her.
When I think about it now, I deeply regret how much time I lost to adore a once living legend.
I recall the first CD I received from my parents.
I had put it aside and a few years later, when i was 11 years old, I replayed that CD consisting of only 9 songs over and over again.
When I'm eating, studying, shopping, sleeping, I kept listening to that CD on and on.
I was never a great fan.
I recall changing my idols over and over again.
But those times I spent adoring Michael was the best ever.
I had wished I could marry him.
I had wished he was mine and only mine alone.
I recall watching the movie 'Living with Michael Jackson' and my parents were telling each other on how lucky Mr and Mrs Jackson were.
I listened and kept that as a mental note in my mind.
And then I regret now, how much I could have given to spend time with my beloved Michael alone.
I'm sorry Michael.
I recall about a few weeks before his passing, I started listening to Michael's music again.
That fateful morning, I was about to boast to my father during breakfast that I knew a lot of Michael's songs, when he dropped that bombshell.
I sat there on the chair, with my mouth gaping wide open and thinking how STUPID I was to LOVE Michael for a very short time.
I was then glued to the news 24/7, I kept on crying and the thought of him passing just made me shiver in pain.
I came too late.
I recall watching the Memorial.
Even though I had a major exam the next day and the fact it was my birthday,
I stayed up all night just to watch the ceremony and cried so much when the fact became too painful.
Since then, I always kept in mind to look up and smile,
hoping things would get better and look up to see him maybe perched up on the crescent moon above.
When anyone says a bad word about him, I would retaliate and defend him.
Because, that's what a true fan does.
Right now, I hold a framed picture of him when I go to sleep.
Hoping loudly that he would notice how much I LOVED him,
understood his pain and wants to be there for him like an Angel,
that stood by him to give him comfort, joy, trust and most of all, youth.
I still cry whenever I see that particular picture of him smiling.
But I know, he was hurt and in pain though he didn't show it.
Behind his beautiful smile is a world of sorrow and sometimes,
If I could, I would dedicate a song named "ANGEL" by Natasha Beddingfield to you.
Michael, remember me.
It's truly better on the other side with God our Father to watch over you.
In return, please watch over your beloved family.
With great love,
Maya Stephany (Singapore)
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